Absolutely boring and meaningless

Absolutely boring and meaningless.

Boring : there are two kinds. When u have absolutely nothing to do and nothing to think of. Or when u have a lot to do but you can’t do it so your sitting doing nothing but thinking of doing all those things you could be doing.
Meaningless: so as in to make no sense at all to either the reader or the readee.

Blog: Where do most people write from? I’m a writer, but what I ask is what do I write in a blog. This is in relation to other blogs, which I find some mundane, some boring, some funny, some hilarious, and some even worth dying for. But me, I don’t know what to write.

DO I write my feelings – (yawn)
Do I write bout the stuff happening around me – (you yawn)
Do I sound intellectual – (phew*)
DO I sound funny – (hmmm, but what if I suck- naa, I do)
Do I just blabber 0 (too close to reality then )

So what? What do I do? No one reads what I write, what do I write for? Money? Fame? Superstardom?
Outlet? Vent? Anger? Passion ? Or just for some contact with the world?
Which comes back to I think it’s cuz- I’m bored and anyway this time is meaningless!

smoking in office

Smoking in office

First apologies for the delay. Though I said I’d be regular this time, I was absolutely swamped in work (for a change) and couldn’t do a damn thing, not even fold my clothes, well that’s not the point is it.


Dear boss,
Please let me smoke in office. It is for your own good.
In fact, you better let me smoke in office based on research.
A smoker smokes anywhere between 5-20 cigarettes a day. As an average let’s say 6 during the course of work. Each cigarette takes about 10 minutes. So that’s an hour out of a seven hour work schedule.

If your salary is Rs.30000. Then you get Rs.1000 per day. But weekends not withstanding, that is about Rs.1365 per day. Which translates to almost Rs.200 an hour including lunch breaks and coffee time-outs.
So if you don’t let me smoke in my cabin it costs you, the company Rs.200 a day. Which is Rs.6000 a month. And yes, almost Rs.72000 a year.

After this research and facts I either request you to let me smoke in my cabin or let non-smokers, off an hour early.

Thanking you in advance,
Yours sincerely

A smoker.

Species: autodrivus

Sub-Species: Autodrivus Mindfukus

Ratio: 95% male population.

Characteristics: Comes in all shapes and sizes.
Extremely aggressive
Bearded or clean but shows chest hair mostly
Thrives on money
Can yell huge decibels.
Usually alone, but in a fight can gather up to 100 of same species
Loves foreigners
No logic, only math
Lacks mental abilities

Habitat: All over India, but this particular sub-species mainly found in southern India, Chennai.

Experience: All previous experience not with holding, yesterday’s was the pie on top of the travel cake. They yell, scream and beat for a meagre three rupees. Does not understand or comprehend the meaning of "don’t raise your voice" etc.
And audacity to say "what the hell can you do?"

Positives: Make normal humans feel like piece of scrap on the road. Ability to demoralize and inhumanize the toughest of human-biengs.

Biggest threat: Transport strike
Biggest problem: If they do that, the city could be stranded.

This is one species I would rather see extinct.

P.S: For those who do not understand the above, contact the author or may meet the author, but do not under any circumstances come in an autorickshaw.

lies

I was waiting for the noose to tighten around my neck. To take me away. I stood up there, knees weak and scared shitless. No, your life doesn’t flash before you when you die. You don’t think of your wife, your favourite colour or your favourite food. I was scared. And fear paralyses the mind.

I was standing in the galley. Probably a thousand people screaming for my death. They don’t do that these days but in my head it was the same scene from a movie. I couldn’t see anyway. My head was covered in a pitch-black cloth. I’m claustrophobic. And I’m scared of the dark. With your head in a black cloth your brains pretty much freaked out. My mind shut down, I couldn’t even pray. My last thought before I died was blank.

How I got here? I lied!

What it takes to quit.

People all around me have been trying to quit smoking.
Person #1
1. Smoked half cigarettes for awhile to reduce the need.
2. Drank a kazillion cups of coffee.
3. Ayurvedic massage
4. Nicotine patches

Succumbed again for a bit. And while trying each item, professed the wonders of it.
5. Nicotine gum (some 70 packs)
6. Makes others blow smoke to sniff sniff.
And finally quit for a bit now, but hooked on to nicotine gum.

Person #2 (falling for the same ploy)
1. Food
2. 40 Half cigarettes (instead of the 20 full ones)
3. Coffee
4. Three day holiday
Back to square one
5. Red bull energy drink (4 cans @ Rs.75 each)
6. Chocolates (7 bars @ Rs.15)
And after all this has survived three days, but not without tantrums, irritable refutes and spasms.

All in all I conclude: "Do you really think I’d wanna quit now?"

10 easy ways to get dumped

Tell her:

1. She’s fat.
2. Her friends are boring.
3. Stop being a cry baby.
4. If she has a baby nephew / niece / cousin / sister / brother, say he / she is one ugly baby.
5. Her parents are stingy.
6. Her thighs are "big"
7. Her moush is bigger than yours
8. I’m gay (actually that wont work, so say you’re a nympho)
9. I love sadism
10. Honey, I was serious about the group thingi with your friends.

Well these aren’t the best, but hey, they work!

Before you are clean

A dozen things to know before you decide to clean your house

1. Acid for bathroom washing, burns on contact with skin.
2. There is a reason why proffesionals are called in for this job
3. There is also a reason why it is called "demeaning"
4. Yes, you must have a bath after you do this
5. Cockroaches have been around since dinosaurs. There is reason for survival.
6. It is tiring
7. Keep cold beer handy (If you dont drink or have any other mind chilling habit, dont do this)
8. Those with heart disease stay away.
9. Cupboards are heavy
10. Dust in your eyes are itchy (and you cant itch cuz your eyes are dusty)
11. Black to white is not as easy as it sounds
12. No volunteer for help will show up. Trust me.

..........the list goes on, but i'd better stop. Din't mean to discourage you.

Do-it-youself may save you money,
but its not worth even one penny.

Seriously thinking about something funny.

Ive been thinking for so long, thoughtlessly.
What do i write? should i write?
it better be good, it better be funny.
So i sat about thinking serisouly, about something funny

Things come and go and many a thought,
scribbles and doodles, but nothing worth
nothing i remember from a weekend that flew
so i still think serisouly bout something funny

the weekend was gr8, just cleaning up my place
spent some time to craft my arts and words
coming again to the point that blogs aint my forte
im desperately serious bout writing something funny

no, it doesnt work!im still workin on it,
it'll take me a while, i must agree im slow
as life goes on, i must admit that
i cant serisouly think bout something funny!

day one

I moved in with a girl, yipee or other wise?
The first day of blogging always brings out 2-3 posts, less just cant be said.

What with all the excitement, and what with me being one who doesn’t know when to shut up anyway.
The whole idea came up because I moved in with a girl. And I just had to memorize it somewhere, the day the date so on and so forth. So for the records it yesterday, March 1st, 2006.

I love it. All our bags were piled in the middle of the room. The house is filthy. Don’t tell anyone that I knew the guy who lived there before. Coodos to him, I don’t know how he did. And I came back home late from work and ta da!!

Clean house, sparkling, everything in order, even the beds made. AAAAH the life..
As for all those guys, well here’s the other side. For a clean house to come to everyday here’s the small price you pay. Get used to "loofahs"!!, pink fluffy towels, satinish or any soft material sheets. Bags arranged in height order.
Well honestly, that’s all.

Ok one more, get used to this conversation.
"does this match with this?","im wearing yellow slippers?" will it go with my blue top?"
Me: "Yeah sure it does"
"No, it doesn’t, you don’t know anything"
Me: "well you asked"
"Actually it doesn’t go, so wait let me change my top?"

Change the slipper woman. And well it doesn’t matter if you’re colour blind, cuz you better have some opinion when they ask.

Well now, honestly that’s it. Well just one day up, whadya expect?

i have no idea why im putting this first

The first time i saw her, well she was really cute
she was sitting in that corner, playin on her flute
on and on, the night grew long
and then she played my song

The moon was shining, and the loud crashing waves
lit up her face, i was looking her like a puppy craves
come come, she called to me
come on and sit next to me

I sat by her wondering how she knew
to smoke, i waited in the queue
0round and round the smoke passed
on as long as you could last

i finally got my turn as i hazed my mind
i passed it on to someone far behind
liar liar, i did call her
u stole my song, now that aint fair?

she turned to me and stared me down
suddenly there was laughter all around
really? really? she asked me twice
like she was being really nice

oh yes, i wrote it long ago on a piece of white paper
when i used to live on the 3rd floor of a skyscraper
what ? what ? everyone stopped
out came a very loud gasp!

thats an evergreen eric clapton number they laughed
oh my god! you must be stoned or plain daft
no! no! i really cried
they all thought i lied

now i promise i sat up all night writing that song
can i help it if her name was layla, now shes gone
yes! yes! i wrote the same
and layla was her name